Yahtzee

Full name: Yahtzee. That's it.
Age: 21
Nationality: British
Occupation: Soon to be ruler of the world
Ambitions: To rule the world
Looks: Tall, with unkempt brown hair under a red baseball cap with a smiley face on the front. Spectacles. White short-sleeved collared shirt and black waistcoat. Blue jeans. Recently began chain-smoking, rarely seen now without a cigarette.
Notes: Yahtzee's past is a shady one, even to him - he doesn't know his real name, nor where he used to live. What he does know is that he wants to rule the world. Partly because he sees it as badly run, but mostly to spite it. He bought a volcano base in the South Pacific, assembled his team, and set to work...
Special abilities: Strategic and tactical evil genius following a blow on the head. Blackmailer's Friend in head allows him to read people's darkest secrets. False leg made of intelligent plastic which can adapt to any situation and take on any shape.
He says: "They called me mad, you know! Mad! I'll show them!"
They say: "He may be a power-hungry madman but he's really an OK guy." (Paul)

Rob

Full name: Robert Jeremiah Blanc
Age: 23
Nationality: British
Occupation: Resident moron
Ambitions: None worth speaking of
Looks: Just under Yahtzee's height, medium build. Black hair parted on one side. Denim jacket and jeans, t-shirt for some indeterminate rock band.
Notes: Rob was squatting with Paul at the volcano base when Yahtzee moved in, and eventually decided to work for him in exchange for letting them stay. As to what he was doing before then, little is known, and Rob seems reluctant to talk about it. He's a little slow-witted at times but maintains a form of brotherly affection for his best friend Paul.
Special abilities: Bionic vision which can work as a heat laser or an X-ray.
He says: "Agh! My eyes! It burns!"
They say: "He's the resident moron." (Yahtzee)

Paul

Full name: Paul Sessapin Grewald
Age: 18
Nationality: Beguran
Occupation: Mad inventor
Ambitions: All the major scientific goals: time travel, hyperdrives, stuff like that
Looks: Short and slightly built, with a shock of green hair and dark glasses. Light blue jumper and grey trousers. Brown shoes. Almost constantly has hands in pockets.
Notes: Paul is one laid-back guy. He only works when he feels like it and, when given other tasks, is more than likely to try and find some way out of it. Having said that, he enjoys and is very good at engineering, having developed such masterpieces as the Stewpifier, the Blackmailer's Friend, the bionic arm he made for himself and the Death Ray. It was recently revealed that Paul is an alien youth from the planet Begurath 3. This explains why his hair colour is natural.
Special abilities: Technical genius, with expertise in robotics, rocket science and elementary brain surgery amongst other things. Right arm replaced with 22-function bionic equivalent.
He says: "It's not a superpower, it's a bionic arm."
They say: "He's a nice kid but he needs to get his priorities straight." (Yahtzee)

Gary

Full name: 'Conscience'
Age: Somewhere into 6000
Nationality: Somewhere Up There
Occupation: Angel/Consultant
Ambitions: To really tick off The Big Fella
Looks: Extremely slightly built, being only about six inches tall. White full-body garment. Wings. Bald with very small eyes and mouth and no nose. Blue skin. Borg implants.
Notes: Previously Yahtzee's conscience, Gary lost his job after failing to sway the megalomaniac and decided to work for Yahtzee to spite his former employers. Flying tires him out eventually so he spends most of his time sitting on Yahtzee's shoulder, advising him as he continues his unholy quest. Recently partly assimilated by a rogue Borg collective, Gary still wears the implants.
Special abilities: Flight, and has an empathic link with Yahtzee.
He says: "I'm only 6000 and already a fallen angel!"
They say: "Are you a boy angel or a girl angel?" (Rob)

Ludo

Full name: Ludova Featherstone
Age: Never ask a woman her age
Nationality: Not referred to, but probably British
Occupation: Accountant
Ambitions: To sort out Yahtzee's accounts.
Looks: Attractive young pseudo-anime chick with pink hair, usually in a green poloneck and black trousers.
Notes: Ludo, the only woman on the team, was officially hired as an accountant, but in reality because Rob and Gary wrongly suspected that Yahtzee and Paul were becoming homosexual. Her old body was lost when General Middenhoffenpock shot her, but her mind was later transplanted into the vacant body of Derek of Dagonbar 8. See Derek of Dagonbar 8.
Special abilities: Being pretty.
She says: "I think I might not have been hired as an accountant after all."
They say: "You have nice breasts." (Paul)

Full name: General Patrick Middenhoffenpock
Age: 44
Nationality: Some unnamed, heavily-armed Middle East country
Occupation: Vengeance seeker
Ambitions: To destroy Yahtzee.
Looks: Tall and well-developed, in a light yellow torn shirt. Third-degree burns on 74% of his body. Black leather jacket and trousers. Fez.
Notes: General Middenhoffenpock was reduced to a psychopathic cripple when Yahtzee stole his nuke and blew him and his base up. When he arrived on Yahtzee island he shot Ludo in the head then confronted his nemesis at the very top of the island fortress. Following an epic battle, he was run through with Yahtzee's plastic leg and thrown off the mountain. His body was never found, but true hatred never dies... as was proved when he reappeared to murder a bunch of partying teenagers. Eventually Yahtzee tried to make friends and part on good terms. This didn't go down well.
Special abilities: Driven on by his hatred and anger, and being a convenient villain to keep bringing back, it should be safe to assume that the General is marginally indestructible.
He says: "I VOW NEVER TO REST UNTIL YAHTZEE IS DEAD!!!"
They say: "He was a crazy bastard." (An unnamed looter)

Agent 22-2

Full name: Classified
Age: Unknown
Nationality: Undubitably British
Occupation: Secret agent man
Ambitions: Previously, to find out what Yahtzee is up to.
Looks: Medium build, with black slicked-back hair. Black tuxedo and a service revolver.
Notes: 22-2's last mission was to infiltrate Yahtzee's base and find out what the megalomaniac was up to. Being of rather unsound mind he was shot, blown up and violated with an electric cattle prod before finally getting the hint and leaving. Current whereabouts unknown, as he was far too proud to return to MI6 empty-handed.
Special abilities: Devillishly charismatic, and dangerously stupid.
He says: "I think I left the motor running on my speedboat."
They say: "Oh for the love of Blofeld, not you again!" (Yahtzee)

King Penguin

Full name: King Penguin. What? He's a penguin, man!
Age: Unknown
Nationality: Hell
Occupation: Imaginary friend / Demon / AI
Ambitions: To find a new body and escape from the mainframe.
Looks: A penguin wearing a crown. In the VR world, anyway.
Notes: King Penguin once tried to possess Paul and go on a reign of terror. Eventually he and Yahtzee settled their differences and parted on good terms. He turned up again when Paul and Yahtzee were imprisoned by the galactic police and joined them on that particular adventure, which ended in his mind being uploaded into the computer of a spaceship and his body being destroyed.
Special abilities: He can control the ship from within, but not much else.
He says: "I am King Penguin! Kneel before your great and powerful leader!"
They say: "Bollocks." (Paul)

Davy Jones

Full name: David Leopold Jones
Age: 16
Nationality: British
Occupation: Teenage mage
Ambitions: To become a powerful sorceror whose spells go right 100% of the time.
Looks: A teenager, long brown hair in a pony tail, spectacles. Wears a black blazer and trousers and a white polo shirt underneath.
Notes: Called into action by Yahtzee when Paul was being tormented by King Penguin, Davy Jones was hired temporarily in the capacity of a demon slayer to banish the demon back to Hell. Unfortunately he used the wrong sort of spell and the gang had to do battle with a fifty-foot demonic seabird. After Yahtzee and KP settled their differences, Davy Jones returned to England and his home town - Reality on the Norm.
Special abilities: Self-taught expert in black magic, but not always able to control his powers.
He says: "Sorry, is that an angel on your shoulder?"
They say: "Sorry, how old are you again?" (Yahtzee)

The Anti-Yahtzee

Full name: Agent Yahtzee
Age: 21
Nationality: The parallel universe equivalent of British.
Occupation: Telepathic interrogator
Ambitions: To rule the world, duh.
Looks: Identical to Yahtzee, but with a green hat with a blue badge, yellow jeans, a white waistcoat and black long-sleeved shirt. He also has a goatee beard and an eyepatch.
Notes: Yahtzee's even more evil alternative self was left minus a hand after he tried to force Ludo into marrying him, and devoted his life to getting his revenge. When Yahtzee was trying to use the dimension hopper to contact Lara Croft he and the Anti-Yahtzee switched places and both found themselves pretending to be the other. Eventually the Anti-Yahtzee tried to kidnap Ludo again and Yahtzee had to get back home and defeat his evil counterpart once again - first with a blade through the chest, then getting him locked up in a mental institution.
Special abilities: Telepathic for some unknown reason, and inherently evil.
He says: "Well, better be off. I'm signed up to kill and rape some orphan children this afternoon."
They say: "He's a bit highly strung, I admit." (Agent Fulcrum)

Derek

Full name: Derek of Dagonbar 8
Age: Unknown
Nationality: Dagonbar 8, duh
Occupation: Serial killer
Ambitions: Previously, to collect a heart from every species in the galaxy.
Looks: See Ludo's entry. Usually wore black trousers, an orange shirt with a very low neckline and black gloves.
Notes: Derek picked up Paul, Yahtzee and King Penguin during the Galactic Fugitives storyline. She turned out to be a psychopath, so naturally Yahtzee fell in love with her. After they consummated their love she tried to kill them all, but was left in a coma when her mind was uploaded into the ship's mainframe. King Penguin managed to finish her off, and Ludo's disembodied brain was implanted in her vacant body.
Special abilities: Good looks and no moral quibbles with killing.
She says: "I've killed about 800 people, how about you?"
They say: "Aaaah! An insect woman!" (Paul/Rob)

The Amazing Flamingo Man (and Dave)

Full name: Brian and David Lexington
Age: 22 and 19
Nationality: American
Occupation: Superhero duo
Ambitions: Brian: to rid the world of injustice. Dave: to see his brother return to sanity.
Looks: Brian: Medium length dark hair, elaborate pink and purple superhero costume. Dave: Black t-shirt and khakis. Blond hair.
Notes: After being viciously pecked by a radioactive flamingo (or at least an angry one), Brian Lexington became convinced he was a superhero. Dragging his younger brother Dave along as a sidekick, they played a large part in bringing Yahtzee to justice after he kidnapped the president, stopping the train he had hijacked with a curiously strong tripwire, and in defeating the Anti-Yahtzee once and for all under the impression that he was the real Yahtzee.
Special abilities: Brian claims to be able to fly for short distances and hop at high speeds. Dave has only ever seen him hop around flapping his arms and squawking.
Brian says: "My flamingo senses tell me your hand is snaking over to the 'call security' button on your phone."
Dave says: "Actually, yes, he does drool occasionally."

Archibald

Full name: Experimental laser weapon 76215/D
Age: Unknown
Nationality: New Mexico
Occupation: Gun.
Ambitions: To zap things.
Looks: Large green two-handed gun with metal claw at the front.
Notes: Yahtzee found this weapon in a research base in New Mexico, fell instantly in love with it, claimed it for himself, and christened it Archibald. He claims that Archibald can make decisions and convey them telepathically to Yahtzee. This is what is known in technical terms as 'a lie'.
Special abilities: Can zap things.
He says: "BAZAP"
They say: "Don't be silly, Archibald, of course I love you more." (Yahtzee)